I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
