The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
