You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
