You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
