so let's talk penis.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
