I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
