After last night, I could never be a politician.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
