I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
