I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
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The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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