My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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