How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
