The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
