We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
