I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
