And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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