so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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