how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
