i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
