he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
