my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
