So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
