he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
