apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize