I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
