if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
