They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
