Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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