i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
