I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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