: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize