why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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