I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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