One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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