Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
