I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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