Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
