How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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