people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
