I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I deserve this hangover.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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