Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Randomize
