There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
