I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
