I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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