you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you never un-have a 4some
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
