They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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