I must be too annoying 4 u.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
