I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
