Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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