is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
