How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
