dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
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I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
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He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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