2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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