you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
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btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
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I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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