Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
