Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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