I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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