omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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