Got a toothbrush?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
