I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
