mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
