thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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