So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
