My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
