i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
