You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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