I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
