i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
