well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
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the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
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Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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