In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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