Do you still have your period?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
