and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
