I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
