I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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