I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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