but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
