I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
