How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
