At least make sure they are 18
Why
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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