i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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