I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
