And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
