What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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