Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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