she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
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While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
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My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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