don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
