I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
