Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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